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February 2017

I DO, I DON’T

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“Good morning. May I please speak to Ms Black?”

“Mrs Black”, I said.

“Sorry, Mrs Black” he said on the other side of the telephone line.

During our conversation he apologised for calling me Ms. Black, because deservedly I am Mrs Black, a title that I earned and should be called by, he said. He continued to say most women wish to be called Mrs, they long for it. I told him that I didn’t correct him because it was a title I deservedly earned, as he put it. I corrected him because I am not Ms Black. I am Mrs. Black. Ms Nkambule, maybe, but definitely not Ms Black.

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I guess he still felt the need to discuss this topic which I thought was unnecessary. I didn’t want to hear him telling me about women who still wish to be Mrs. somebody, or that some women are desperate for marriage. To be frank, I should have stopped him right there because what he said next, took my blood pressure all the way up (Fat Joe’s tone)!!! My blood was boiling, I could feel my skin becoming hot!! He said being married is an achievement!!!! An achievement for women!!! Really? Is that what some men think out there? That marriage is an achievement for women?!

Women don’t see marriage as an achievement. We see building a legacy for ourselves as an achievement, acquiring educational qualifications as an achievement, having our names being accredited at well-known institutions as an achievement, climbing the corporate ladder as an achievement, being successful entrepreneurs as an achievement! How about that!!

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But what could have led him to come to that conclusion? Did he get it from women he normally has conversations with? Because if that is the case, there’s a huge problem out there!

His statement really got me worried. It got me thinking whether this is what little girls / young women are being taught out there, that marriage is an achievement! I certainly hope not. Little girls can’t grow up with that mentality, no way! There are plenty of things that can be classified as an achievement; getting good grades, being professors, professional athletes, being engineers and successful business women to name a few.

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So, if marriage is an achievement, what about women who are not married and will never marry. Are people going to say they have not achieved anything in life?

Such mentality!!!!*rolling eyes*

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Outfit details: 1. Suit-Mr Price, Pleated shirt- Mr Price, Ankle Boot (Old)- Jet

2. Suit- Mr Price, Floral shirt- Mr Price, Heels (Old)- Woolworths

RIDE OR DIE

Ride or Die: A phrase used to describe that one person who’s got your back and who would do anything for you, vice versa.

We all have that one person in our lives. Question is, are we really each other’s ride or die?

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They met, fell in love and got married. Yes it’s a cliché, but it’s true. My movie moment again! This is a scene from The light between oceans, The only thing missing to complete the perfect picture was a child. Two miscarriages later it dawned on them that that might never happen. Until one sunny afternoon they spotted a boat that was washed offshore. In the boat was a man and a baby. The man was dead but the baby was still alive. The husband had a good mind to report what had transpired to the police bus his “ride or die” felt the opposite. To her, this was a gift they had received, that one piece of a puzzle that they needed to complete the perfect family picture…

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We often say it out loud that we’d do anything for our better half’s, or for that one person you know has got you no matter what. What is this anything? In the movie, anything meant the husband keeping quiet about what had happened. Burying the dead man they found. Pretending that his wife only had one miscarriage. Anything meant him removing their second child’s memorial, pretending that the wife gave birth sooner than the actual due date.

Would you have done that? Would you break the law for your ride or die? Would you give them that one thing that you know will bring them joy even if it means hurting someone else?

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A PERFECT FIT

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As little girls we grew up knowing that there’s going to come a time where we will have to wear a bra. What we were not taught was the importance of a good fitting bra. We saw women who wore a bra with the back of it almost up to the neck (now we call it a backpack bra!). That was normal to us as little girls, well at least to me. All we knew was that one wears a bra to hold the two girls together. With the zero knowledge of the importance of a good fitting bra, I wore bras that were not the correct size for as long as I can remember. To me, just as long as my two girls were in the cup they were just fine.

As a young woman I took it upon myself to educate me about the importance of a good fitting bra. Now I see that our mom’s went about this the wrong way. I don’t blame them, they also had no knowledge about it after all. Every day I see women wearing the wrong bra size. Some of them you’d even ask yourself whether are they wearing one or not. That made me realise that there are plenty of women who don’t know their correct bra size. There are women who don’t know the importance of a good fitting bra. These women’s little girls might grow up with the lack of knowledge of a good fitting bra.

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How do we get women to be knowledgeable about this? Maybe bra selling stores should have a day where they teach women about bra fitting, how to measure yourself to get the correct bar size and everything that has to do with a bra, e.g. how to take care of our bras, how often we should wash them etc.

It is so liberating to wear a bra that fits perfectly! A bra that feels like it was designed specifically for you, on you. A good fit even makes your clothes look better on you. No backpack, no bulges, no peeping of the girls outside the bra cup, just a perfect fit! And when you’re about to step out the house, taking a glance of yourself in the mirror, you can’t help but smile knowing that your girls are comfortable and so are you.

My experience…

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FIGHTING A GOOD FIGHT

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IMG_1131 modifiedA movie marathon was on, we had watched almost 5 movies when hubby suggested that I watch Jason’s Lyric, an old classic. I’m always keen to watch old time classics because they have deeper meaning infused with some humor than some of today’s movies (my opinion). One of the characters, Mad Dog, played by Forest Whitaker, had an accident that made him lose his home and his family. In one of the scenes, he had gone to see his children. When he was leaving, he took out his wallet to give money to his son. Out of nowhere came this boy who snatched the wallet out of his hand. He (Mad Dog), just pulled the boy back with his walking stick and beat the hell out of him. He beat him so hard that his oldest son yelled at him to stop. The youngest son was watching all this from a distance. After he too his wallet back, Mad Dog told his son ,I quote, “Don’t ever disrespect a man’s property.”

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This reminded me of an incident I witnessed on my way home back from work. i use public transport most of the time to and from work. For one, it is convenient and cheaper over private transport,plus I get to save so I can have more money to spend on clothes,,,lol,,,joking!For real it is super convenient and super cheap. Anyway, I was walking home from the bus stop. A gentleman had gone to pick up his son from school, assuming so because the boy was still in his school uniform and he was carrying his school bag. I just heard insults coming from every angle. The father was arguing with another man whom I suppose said or did something that aggravated him. Believe me when I say inappropriate language was used throughout the argument. It got to a point where the boy told his father to stop. “Stop daddy, stop”. Those were his words in his tiny voice.

Another incident that came to mind was an episode from the comedy series Uncle Buck. The family had gone to back to their hometown to celebrate an annual event. The father was scared to face a childhood bully who took his bike when they were still kids. Now, all grown up he has his own children who knew about the bully. The man’s son didn’t understand why his father was not standing up for himself to this bully. He even asked him why he doesn’t get his bike back. He tried to explain about ‘being civil’ and to ‘avoid conflict’ to his son who didn’t understand at all. To him, his father was being a coward.To him, his father could not stand up for himself and you could see the disappointment on his face.

As a parent you want to set a good example for your children. You want your children to know that they can count on you no matter what. You also want your children to know that you’re no push over. I mean, imagine your child asking you why did you let so and so speak to you like that, or why did you let so and so steal from you, or why did you fight…

This made me ask myself, how far are we willing to go as parents to avoid conflict in front of our children? We teach our children to behave well. We teach them to respect people and we teach them all things good. But we also teach them not to let people play on top of their heads, that they must stand up for themselves and fight for what they believe in. Does that include being physical and hauling insults in the street? Where do we draw the line?

As i ponder on this issue, I’m going to raid my closet to see what I can put together to get me in good spirit. As a parent I’m literally at a crossroad concerning this. I need closet therapy!!!!

My experience…

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